Being an open-minded sort of person I can often see things from more than one perspective. For instance the following “personality clash” between myself and Lemuel can be seen quite differently depending on whether you are myself, Lemuel, or Miss Rush, Lemuel’s head of year, a Special Needs teacher who wasn’t actually in the room.
My Point Of View
“In you come, Lemuel, I’m afraid you’re late. Please sit down. The work’s on the board.”
“Yeah, yeah.”
*
“We’re now 15 minutes into the lesson, can you please start the work, Lemuel?”
“I’ve only just come in”
“You’ve had five minutes now, some people have almost finished. Well done, girls. If you don’t start you are choosing to get a warning”
*
“Okay, Lemuel, I’m giving you your first warning. Can you stop drawing that picture of a car and get on with the work, please?”
“How was I meant to know I was meant to do that?”
“Please, just put that picture away, or I’ll have to give you your next warning”
*
“I’m afraid I’m going to have to give you your second warning, now, Lemuel. We’ve had twenty minutes and most people have finished. And I need to start the main part of the lesson. If I could just have quiet please everyone. Thank you very much. Today we are going to be doing …”
“I never done nuffink. You gave me a second warning for nuffink.”
“Please don’t talk while I’m talking to the class, Lemuel, I will have to give you your third warning and a detention.”
“This is gay”
“I’m afraid you’ve chosen to get you third warning. Now please stop talking so I can start the lesson or you will be choosing to get sent out.”
“I don’t care”.
“Sshhh! If I can just have quiet again. Thank you very much everyone. Today we will be …”
“I hate this fucking crap”.
“I’m afraid you’ll have to leave the room now.”
Lemuel’s Point Of View
“In you come, Lemuel, just go over there and talk to you friends, we’ll do some work later.”
“Yes, thank you.”
*
“We’re now 15 minutes into the lesson, can you get on with your picture of a car please, Lemuel? I’ll tell you later if there’s going to be any work to do.”
“Yes, sir”
“Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Well done, girls. Blah, blah, blah”
*
“Blah, blah,blah, blah. Can you just finish off your picture of the car in the next five minutes or so and get on with the boring work, please?”
“I’m sorry, sir, I didn’t realise there was any work.”
“Please, just do your best drawing, and don’t worry about the work.”
*
“I’m afraid I’m going to have to give you your second warning, now, Lemuel. We’ve had twenty minutes and most people have finished. And I need to start the main part of the lesson. Don’t worry, Lemuel, I’ll just talk over your conversation. Today we are going to be doing …”
“Sorry Sir I haven’t done anything, why did I get a second warning?”
“Please don’t talk while I’m talking to the class, Lemuel, I will have to give you third warning and a detention.”
“I’m not entirely sure this is fair, sir”
“Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Now please stop talking or I will have to send you out for nothing.”
“That seems fair, sir. I’ll be quiet now.”.
“Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah,blah blah, blah, blah.”
“Sir, can I ask a question”.
“That’s it, I’m sending you out for absolutely no reason.“
Miss Rush’s Point of View
“In you come, you little bastard. Sit down, now. The work’s on the board and you’ll be in trouble if you don’t do it. I don’t care about all your special needs.”
“Yes, sir, Mr Old. Please don’t hit me again, sir.”
*
“We’re now 15 seconds into the lesson, hand over your work, boy!”
“Here it is, Sir. And here’s my homework too. I spent three hours on it”
“You call this homework? I could piss this in my sleep. Have three detentions.”
*
“Okay, you spaz, your picture of a car is crap. You draw like a girl. Have another detention.”
“Please, sir, I can’t do another detention, my father’s seriously ill in hospital”
“Good, I hope he dies soon. Now get on with copying out of a textbook or I’ll come to your house and molest your sister.”
*
“Here, have another ten detentions, Lemuel, you retard. We’ve had two minutes and most people have finished. Now I need you to listen to me just for the sake of it. Anybody who so much as breathes will get a detention. Terrible, you’re all thick. Now does anybody have any questions?”
“Please, Mr Old, don’t hurt me but can I ask a question about the work?”
“No. I don’t want questions from a spacker. Have another detention.”
“Sorry, Mr Old, sir. I don’t know what I was thinking of. I think it’s because I haven’t eaten for a week.”
“I’m afraid I’ve chosen to give you another detention. Now please stop snivelling, I don’t ever want to look at your weasel face again.”
“Sorry, Mr Old”.
“Shut up, loser! God, I hate children. Anyway, today we will be discussing how Lemuel’s mother is a whore.”
“I’m sorry, sir I’m a bit upset about this. She only died last month”
“Piss off!”.
I suppose in a way, all these accounts of my personality clash with Lemuel are true to some extent. But in another, more literal way, only the first one is.
Stumble It!
Entries (RSS)